About the Words of Allah, Most Majestic, Most Glorious, ‘You must not Make Secret Dates . . .

سَأَلْتُهُ عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ- وَ لكِنْ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً[1] قَالَ هُوَ الرَّجُلُ يَقُولُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ قَبْلَ أَنْ تَنْقَضِيَ عِدَّتُهَا أُوَاعِدُكِ بَيْتَ آلِ فُلَانٍ لِيُعَرِّضَ لَهَا بِالْخِطْبَةِ وَ يَعْنِي بِقَوْلِهِ‌ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً التَّعْرِيضَ بِالْخِطْبَةِ- وَ لا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتابُ أَ

“This is concerning my question before abu ‘ Abd Allah (a.s.), about the meaning of the words of Allah, "... but you must not secretly date (make secret appointment with) such women (during their waiting period) unless you speak to them in a lawful manner.’ (2:235) He (the Imam) said, ’He is a man who speaks to the wom

سَأَلْتُ أَبَا عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع- عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ- وَ لكِنْ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً وَ لا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتابُ أَجَلَهُ‌ فَقَالَ السِّرُّ أَنْ يَقُولَ الرَّجُلُ مَوْعِدُكِ بَيْتُ آلِ فُلَانٍ ثُمَّ يَطْلُبُ إِلَيْهَا أَنْ لَا تَسْبِقَهُ بِنَفْسِهَا إِذَا انْقَضَتْ عِدَّتُهَا قُلْتُ فَقَوْلُهُ‌ إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا م

“This is concerning my question before abu ‘Abd Allah (a.s.), about the words of Allah, most Majestic, most Glorious, ‘. . . but you must not secretly date such women (during their waiting period) unless you speak to them in a lawful manner and you must not decide to form terms of marriage until the appointed time is c

سَأَلْتُ أَبَا الْحَسَنِ ع- عَنْ قَوْلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ- وَ لكِنْ لا تُواعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا قَالَ يَقُولُ الرَّجُلُ أُوَاعِدُكِ بَيْتَ آلِ فُلَانٍ يُعَرِّضُ لَهَا بِالرَّفَثِ وَ يَرْفُثُ يَقُولُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ- إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفاً وَ الْقَوْلُ الْمَعْرُوفُ التَّعْرِيضُ بِالْخِطْبَةِ عَلَى وَجْهِهَا وَ حِلِّهَا- وَ لا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتابُ أَجَلَهُ‌.

“I once asked abu al-Hassan (a.s.), about the words of Allah, most Majestic, most Glorious, ‘. . . but you must not secretly date such women (during their waiting period).’ (2:235). He (the Imam) said, ‘It is his saying, “The place for your date (with me) is the house of the family of so and so where he asks her for ra

يَلْقَاهَا فَيَقُولُ إِنِّي فِيكِ لَرَاغِبٌ وَ إِنِّي لِلنِّسَاءِ لَمُكْرِمٌ فَلَا تَسْبِقِينِي بِنَفْسِكِ وَ السِّرُّ لَا يَخْلُو مَعَهَا حَيْثُ وَعَدَهَا.

In “secret” dating he does not meet her as he had promised.’”